By Way of Introduction

My name is Jhona.

I'm not new to blogging.  I have most always enjoyed it.  Until I didn't!  So, why now?  Why again?  So much. So many reasons.  The main one:  I WANT THEM TO SEE THAT I REMEMBERED.  I want my husband and kids to see and know that I fought and I remembered and I shared so that other people could know and that we could help each other.  I want them to see that my memories and my thoughts and my personality and my being is here, there, and everywhere.  I want them to be able to read and re-read how much I love them.  I don't want to get lost.

I have been "loosely" diagnosed with Early Onset Dementia.  I am 40 years old.  I turn 41 in August.  I have been married for 20 years and I have three of the most beautiful children.  I have a 19, 18, and 16 year old.  I have a college sophomore and freshman.  I have a junior in high school.  My husband will be retiring from the military in less than a year and moving on to his second career.  We bought our first house four years ago. We have three cats and two dogs.  Also, a fish! I have a small herb garden that the sun is trying to burn up and three apple trees.  I have a beautiful view of the mountains and I like to watch the weather come across it and drop onto us.  My driveway is lined with Lavender because it is my favorite scent and my favorite color. Also because my husband loves me very much!. Hence the name:  Lavender Lane.

I like to bake and write and play the piano. I like to be in the woods and collect wildflowers and unique leaves.  I love spending time with my family.  I have the best of friends and miss their sweet faces.  Because of this military life, my friends are scattered.  We are always close in heart and I tend to feel much closer to them than I do those who are in my face to face life. Friends who become family.  That's who these girls are to me!

I want to make these pages about my real life.  Who I am, who I was, who my family is and how we are all dealing with this new road we've been forced to go down.  My husband...my sweet, sweet husband.  I can't write about him right now or I won't be able to see my fingers or this screen.  There is no better man on earth for me.  No better father for our children.  I thank God for him.  I thank God for him.

I know this is a serious "howdy-do", but it's real. I have one more appointment before they hand me my certificate of acknowledgment. I've accepted that this is what it is. Everything else has been ruled out and Dementia is the one thing that remains.  They say it's an umbrella term and that we will pinpoint it.  Everyday I work on accepting it.  Everyday it gets harder not to.

 I guarantee that there will be hilarity and laughter.  There will also be anger and frustration.  Sadness.  Sorrow.  All the emotions will likely make their way across these pages.  I hope that you'll stay.  I hope that you'll visit often.  I hope that this will help someone somewhere.  I know I'm not alone and that there are many of us out there.  It's hard to find the 40-somethings.  But, I will.  We will.  I want to do this while I can.  I want to write as fast and as furiously as I need to so that I can outrun the shadows of forgetfulness.  I try to picture it as fancy lace but that's too pretty for this ugliness that creeps in like an unrelenting thief. Our memories and what makes us who we are is as intricate and as complicated and as beautiful as lace can be.  But there is nothing beautiful about what is happening inside my mind.  The beauty is to be found outside of it now.  Outside is where I want to be.